Home For Christmas
by Detached from reality
Summary: *Super late! Sorry!* Nico di Angelo is done trying to find a place where he fits in. On Christmas night, he decides to run away...for the last time. Will Percy be able to convince him to stay? Hinted one sided Percy/Nico


Nico di Angelo walked down the snow covered streets, his feet crunching lightly in the snow, hands stuck in the pockets of his aviator, his hair icy wet and sticking to the sides of his face. He breathed out and a puff of fog exited his mouth, floating up and fading quickly into nothingness. Gone almost as soon as it had come, leaving without a trace.

_Without leaving a trace. _

Nico huffed and hugged himself, walking faster through the snow.

In a few moments, the trail of footprints that followed behind him would be the only proof that he had ever been there at all. He was leaving this city behind. Another city that didn't want him Another group of people who wouldn't look him in the eye.

He honestly didn't get it. He didn't understand why he set himself up for failure time after time. Why did he even bother moving to a new city? Why did he even try? Did he honestly believe that each city would be magically better than the last? That people were really that different?

It was pathetic.

He kicked the snow at his feet, shivering as he soaked his jeans.

"Shit." He muttered, looking down at his damp pants and attempting to shake the remnants of snow off of his leg.

But after a second, he simply gave up. It was just another shit thing to add to a list of shit things that had happened to him this past week.

After a few more minutes of walking he stopped. He was far off of the main road now, and well out of sight. All around him there was nothing but empty whiteness and bare trees that stretched to the sky like black veins against pale skin.

Around him it was quiet, save for the gentle sound of the wind blowing between broken branches. No one would see him here.

He stuck out his hands, reaching his arms out in both directions and spreading his fingers apart, as if he were trying to grasp the air around him. He took one deep breath, two, and closed his eyes. These movements were all show mostly, though. Simply tools to help him focus. Normally, he wouldn't make such a production out of it, but at the moment, no one was there to see. So why not? It wasn't necessary, but it did feel better that way, more controlled.

But the real work, like so many other things in his life, was all in his head.

He reached out with his mind, mentally feeling the world around him for any sign of shadow, shade, or darkness. The sun was getting lower in the sky now, and the forest's shadows stretched out across the snow in ribbons of gray, so Nico's job was fairly easy. Already he could feel the darkness around him, the coldness that cut through his nerve endings like a knife, painful but welcoming. He reached out his mind further, taking in every dark reflection, every shaded leaf or twig. He found them all. Then, he pulled.

Even without opening his eyes, Nico knew that the shadows were inching towards him. They stretched and grew as they moved towards the black clad boy. Had anyone been spying, it would have looked as though the sun had suddenly decided to dart across the sky, though this was obviously not the case.

Nico felt it now, the sharp coldness, stronger than before. It pricked his finger tips, then his arms and legs. Soon, it filled his chest, his neck. The coldness was submerging him.

He recalled his first time shadow traveling. He remembered the coldness stabbing into his heart and wrapping around his neck. He remembered feeling his veins freeze, and the air rattle from his lungs. He remembered closing his eyes as the darkness covered him. _This must be death_, he had thought_, this must be what it feels like to die. _And for a second he honestly believed that he was in fact dying.

Then he ended up in a laundry mat on 8th street and had to piece together just what had happened.

But the worst part was, in those few fleeting moments when he had thought that death was just around the corner, he hadn't really tried to fight it.

And that scared him more than traveling ever would.

Now, as he pulled the shadows around him like a cloak of black, Nico di Angelo once again thought these things.

_Where was he even traveling to? _He asked himself, before realizing that it didn't matter. Anywhere was better than here.

He felt the coldness cover his chin, his lips, his nose. The air flew out of his lungs in a single breath. It was almost over, he reminded himself. Soon he would step out of the shadows and into the light of another place, miles and miles away.

He pulled at the darkness one last time, taking every ounce of power in his body, then-

"Nico wait!"

Nico's eyes shot open, his concentration breaking. The shadows retreated from him like rats from light.

Stranding before Nico was none other than Percy Jackson. He stood in the snow only a few feet away, in nothing but sweatpants and a t-shirt, his bare arms hugging his chest tightly, his nose red with cold.

Nico took an involuntary step back, unable to hide his surprise. Then, his expression clouded over with anger.

"What do _you_ want?" He spat through clenched teeth, his eyebrows drawing together as he scowled at the boy before him. Out of everyone to find him here, why did it have to be Percy?

The green eyed boy walked closer, holding his hands out in half-hearted surrender.

"Come on, Nico. You know what I want." His voice was even, calm. But Nico swore he heard a pleading undertone beneath it all. Or maybe that's just what he _wanted_ to hear.

He turned away from Percy. With his back to the other boy, he let his facade crumble. His expression contorted, his eyes closing tightly as he tried to keep his shoulders from shaking. Percy shouldn't be here. He shouldn't see him like this.

He straighted up, but kept his back turned. Without looking over his shoulder, he spoke, his voice flat and void of all emotion, empty of anything that would hint that he was feeling anythihg other than annoyance.

"Leave me alone, Percy."

Percy huffed, and Nico could practically hear him rolling his eyes.

"Don't be so stubborn. I chased you all the way down the road _in my pajamas_ for Zeus's sake!"

Nico tensed, clenching his fists and wiping his expression clean once more. He spun around to face Percy.

"Look, I'm sure you mean well-"

"-Of course I do."

"-but I'm not staying with you." Nico's voice was cold and distant, but Percy didn't seem to notice. Instead, he only stepped closer. He was near enough now that Nico could see the green in his eyes and the blooms of red in his cheeks. It made his stomach hurt.

"Please, man. It's _Christmas._"

Nico scoffed. "So?"

"So, it's not right to spend the holidays hulled up in some cheap motel or the Underworld."

Nico looked at his feet, the truth in Percy's words striking him. "The Underworld's not _that_ bad," he muttered.

"Yeah, I'm sure the blood of the damned makes really festive decorations," Percy laughed dryly. "Look, you don't belong there."

He reached out and placed a hand on Nico's shoulder. The younger boy flinched away, his eyes burning.

"And you think I belong _here?_ With people that can barely stand to _look_ at me?" He laughed bitterly. "That's hilarious."

Percy looked angry now, his expression darkening in a matter of seconds. "I think you belong here with your _family._ With your sister and Jason and me and Annabeth..and..."

Nico flinched at the sound of her name, a pained look passing quickly over his features.

Percy, as usual, didn't seem to notice.

"Look Nico," He looked away and took a breath, as if preparing for a long rehearsed speech. Then he met his friend's eyes, "I don't know what you're running from. I don't know what you're looking for." His eyes seemed to look right through him, and Nico suddenly felt the need to turn away. But he didn't. "And I don't know why you somehow have the idea that we don't care about you—well I guess I can kinda see how you can think that—but I wanted to say that it ends here. Sure the guys were slow to warm up to you. But no one's ever going to warm up to you if you keep running away before they get the chance to really know you. If you never open up to anyone, _you're _the one blocking everyone out." He shook his head. "Don't you get it?" He asked, his eyes soft, sad. "The only thing keeping them from being close to you, is you."

Nico's eyes widened, and he was silent for a long time. Then, his voice rang out, quiet and bitter.

"Do you honestly think I don't know that?" He asked. This time there was no hiding the way his voice was shaking. "Like I haven't always known that I push people away! Gods,_ I'm the one doing the pushing!_ Of course I know that no one will ever like me if I don't let them in! I'm not an idiot."

His voice was raising as he spoke, and soon he was yelling, his throat raw.

"But maybe I don't want anyone to get to know me, Percy!" he was almost crying now. Almost, but not quite.

Percy was dumbstruck and open mouthed. His mind seemed to be taking a while to process what he'd just heard. "But-"

"No," Nico cut him short, "They'd hate me even if they knew me. _Especially_ if they knew me." He shook his head, trying to dispel the moisture gathering around his eyes. _Not now not now not now_

"This is better than dealing with their rejection." Nico shut his eyes tightly, his body shaking.

He was about to cry. In front of_ Percy_ of all people. He rubbed his eyes. Still, he could feel the tears burning behind his eyelids.

_Why me why me gods why now why me_

Suddenly, he felt a warmth come over him as two strong arms wrapped around his body, submerging him in the smell of salt water and cologne.

"Shut up Nico." Percy muttered into his hair, with surprising gentleness. Despite his choice of words, his voice was soft, compassionate. "Just shut up."

Nico stiffened and tried to pull away, but the boy didn't move. In fact, Percy just seemed to pull him even closer.

"Listen to me: It doesn't matter you are or what you do." He breathed out and Nico felt his hair ruffle. "You're like a brother to me. You're family."

Nico's eyes shot open at those words, and a pain filled his chest as tears finally escaped his eyes. With one last squeeze, Percy pulled away, and held the younger boy at arms length, looking him in the eyes.

"I feel like I forgot that for a while—I was just so angry about the whole Roman camp thing and Annabeth—I'm really sorry. Really, really sorry." He looked at his feet again, and Nico was glad to break eye contact. If Percy had seen the tears in Nico's eyes, he didn't seem to show it, and for that Nico was grateful. But the older boy's words still rang in his head. Brother. How he'd hoped to hear anything but that. It made him feel sick.

How he'd wished it didn't have to be like this. _But maybe thats okay, _a small voice spoke in his head, quiet and timid. _Maybe some brotherly love is better than no love at all. _

"But look, I want to tell you now."Percy continued, "I want to set this straight: nothing you do or say will ever make me care about you any less. You're important to me, nothings ever gonna change that. And I know everyone else thinks the same way." He looked almost embarrassed saying it, as if somehow the display of feelings was too much for the great demigod to handle. But he continued anyway. "Just please, come home. It's Christmas day. It's the one time of year you're supposed to be with your family."

He motioned behind him, towards the apartment of Sally Jackson, where the rest of the demigod crew were likely huddled around a Christmas tree and hot coco. Nico shivered, thinking about how nice a warm fire sounded. Maybe a cup of coco or a blue colored cookie.

He shook his head.

But he couldn't have that, could he? Not without letting people in. And he couldn't do that. He wasn't even sure he'd know how.

And yet, a part of Percy's words sounded tempting. If he were telling the truth, Nico could have everything he ever wanted. He could have friends. He could have a real home.

But he wouldn't have Percy. Not in the way he wanted. He'd never have that. And it hurt him more than he could ever express.

And yet, if Nico left now, he wouldn't have Percy _at all._ In any way. Not even as a friend. Was Nico really sure that option would hurt any less?

If he stayed...he could have a family. A real family. Percy had said so himself. Sure, it sounded like idealistic daydreams, especially to someone like him. But Percy had sounded so sure.

And if there was anyone in the world he trusted, anyone at all, it was Percy Jackson.

Sure, Nico was scared, horrified even, by the idea of walking back to that apartment and facing those people. He was scared that they'd find out every little detail, every dirty secret. He was scared that he'd finally take of his mask and only be laughed at. And then thrown away.

In fact, he was more scared now than any other moment in his entire life. This was far more frightening than any god or monster.

This was more horrifying than death himself.

And because of this, Nico di Angelo didn't even know how he found it in him to speak up and say I'll go.

But he did.

And Percy's face broke out into the widest grin he'd ever seen.

"Seriously?" He asked, his eyes shining.

Nico could only look down and nod, quickly wiping the last of the tears from his eyes.

Then, he smiled. It was a small smile, timid and slightly pained, but it was a smile none the less.

"Oh thank gods." Percy said, laughing with relief, "Come on then, lets get back inside." He turned to go, motioning for Nico to follow. He did. "And let's hurry," He said smiling, "So I can give you your christmas present."

Nico's eyes widened and his smile grew even wider as he moved to catch up, his heart pounding. He was still worried about returning, but those words helped ease the anxiety. Because for once, he had begun to feel as though he may actually be a part of something. Part of a family.

And he was.

For that night Nico and Percy would return home to an apartment filled with the smell of freshly baked cookies and playful conversation. And as the door opened all the heads would turn to the boy's entering the room and everyone would go quiet for a second. (Nico would later joke that you could hear his heart beating) And Hazel would break the stillness by running to her brother and tackling him in a hug, smiling and fretting over his damp pants and shoes, wiping the stray hair from his eyes as she rambled on about how it wouldn't be Christmas without him. And Annabeth would hold her hand to her mouth like she was about to cry, because she'd grown fonder and fonder of Nico as time had passed, before she'd move towards Percy and complain about him forgetting his coat, all the while stealing glances toward the smaller boy. And Jason would look on for a while, but then make his way towards his friend once everyone else had cleared, throwing his arms around the younger boy and pulling him into a hug, surprising everyone in the room including himself. Then he'd ruffle his hair and laugh at Nico's blush as he tried in vain to smooth it down again. And Sally would come out and drop her pan of cookies at the sight of the boy, then proceed to complain about how he should eat more and _at least checkin once and a while, for goodness sake. _Percy would give Nico his Christmas presents—An itunes gift card and some Mythomagic cards 'for old time's sake'—and though they weren't much, Nico loved them anyways.

And Nico would start to feel happy. It wouldn't happen all at once, like it does in the movies-when once the character finds friends all the shadows are suddenly seeped from their lives, as if no evil had ever existed. But slowly, Nico would begin to get better. He'd begin to feel more comfortable in his own skin.

He'd eventually learn that even if Percy would never love him in the way he loved Percy, he'd still love him like family. And though it'd hurt at first—like a sharp arrow piercing his chest, every time Percy said the word 'brother'—he eventually embraced the term. He'd find that at this point in his life, a brother was just what he needed. And they'd play video games until midnight with Jason, and bake blue pancakes on Sundays with Sally. And in the summer, Percy would swear he'd teach Nico to surf-much to the younger boy's protests.

Then one night, when Nico and Jason and Percy were all watching bad horror movies and eating blue junkfood, Nico would just say it. He'd say everything, as if it was no big deal at all. He'd talk about how he felt about boys and how he had once felt about Percy and how he had been so scared for so long. And he'd talk about how he'd felt alone and afraid of himself and hurt and angry and so so confused.

And Jason would pat his back, and smile slightly, because he was proud of Nico. Then Percy would put his hands in his hands and apologize because if only he'd known he would have at least tried not to hurt him so much with the whole Annabeth thing. Gods, he'd say, I was totally flaunting her in your face and I didn't even know it. Then Nico would just laugh because out of all the reactions that Percy might have had, he'd ended up just feeling guilty. So it was kind of pointless to have worried so much over telling him in the first place. Then Nico would shrug and tell Percy it didn't matter anyways because he was over him now. And it would be the truth.


End file.
